“Guilty as Charged!”

I’m alive and somewhat well; since a lot of folks have been asking: “did I miss your last post?” No, I’ve just been “busy”!! When my life changed approx. 5 years ago, I immediately sought out the counsel of those who had gone before me. The overwhelming advice was to make sure and take care of myself, so that I would be able to take care of my LO.

Well…. I have been trying to do that. I planned a pretty aggressive ski schedule. Been to Mammoth 3 times; Japan for 2 weeks; Aspen, Park City and my last trip is to Mammoth for a long weekend, starting today!

All went fairly well…. I left enough home-made food, (pre-packaged, just pop in the microwave) and I installed wireless cameras so I could check up on her at any time from my smart phone. I must admit, it felt a little creepy at first, (watching her sleep or watching her play with the kitties); but I quickly got over it and found myself routinely “watching” her.

When I got back from the 2 weeks in Japan, it was clear that it was too long. She was quicker to be angry, “pissy” and overall generally agitated. I think she missed me!, (although she doesn’t verbalize that).

Lately, I can’t seem to do anything right! I “forget” to put the toilet lid down, (remember that kitties might jump in and drown!). I don’t “listen” to her, because she has told me something very important, (of course she has said it in her mind which is why I don’t recall it). I don’t watch the garage door go all the way down, (to make sure no one gets in during the last 6 inches). The worst accusation is that I don’t respect her and that I slander her in front of all our friends! (mind you, we haven’t been out with friends in a very LONG time and I have never slandered her). I think she may be referring to a long time ago, like more than 7 years ago, when I would jokingly comment , that she “made stuff up”. I believe that was the true beginning, I just didn’t know it!

Soooo……any of these events will trigger a tirade that can last between 30 min to an hour!! I try and not escalate the situation with any kind of reason or even apology, (because that will only add time to the tirade!). I just stand there and take it! It’s the worst when she says she doesn’t need me, doesn’t know why she married me and that she can divorce me (if my bad behavior continues) or that I can pack my bags and she can change the locks!! Even though I know it’s the disease talking it still hurts, and it can bring me to tears. Not to mention the gray hair; I swear I can feel it turning gray as she is yelling at the top of her lungs!

Deep sigh……Guilty as charged!

As the “Alz” World Turns…..

It’s been 2 months since my last post. It seemed like my life was just going along, status quo, without any “real” incidents; (how quickly one can adapt to the “Not so Normal”). The ongoing issue is just your run of the mill paranoia stuff.

  • I now put the lid of the toilet seat down every time , (because, you know, the cat might jump in and drown!)
  • I watch her triple check that all the doors are locked at ALL times and then patiently answer her question,( asked multiple times) “are the doors locked”? Then we have to wrap the handles of the french doors with a plastic bag! (I shared a picture in a previous post).
  • I now have to bring in the garage door remote every time, because they might steal it; (mind you the garage door opener is always locked; so even if they did steal it it wouldn’t work.) But you know, they could wait until the very moment we unlock it to go out and use it then!
  • I don’t leave the phone charger plugged in because the cat might electrocute herself if she were to chew on it.

This is my new normal,(the status quo), because “you can’t reason with a person whose reasoner is broken”!

But as my title suggests, this disease continues to progress. We spent Thanksgiving at my Mother’s house in Riverside. We traveled there from our vacation home in Palm Springs. Our family tradition is to play poker after dinner. Since My LO never plays and doesn’t want  to just relax and watch TV, she usually goes home, (typically we take 2 cars) but this time we only had the one vehicle, so my sister volunteered to take me home. My LO was a little concerned on how to get to back to the desert, as she had not done that by herself before, (simple 2 steps- the 91 east/north to the 60 east; My Mom’s house is close to the freeway entrance). After about 15 minutes of repeating this 2 step process she was confident enough to refuse me setting up the GPS/directions on her smartphone. (Although she did say to keep my phone nearby in case she needed help! Ha ha!)

About an hour and half the phone rings and she thinks she has gone the wrong way, (she should have been home in a hour at the most, even with traffic!). We ascertained she was on her way to Barstow/Las Vegas! She had missed the 2nd step of the simple 2-step directions. She was quite upset and I finally talked her into reversing her direction (instead of me going to her at that point). She did manage to get going south again but still ended up on the wrong freeway. So, now all we’re trying to do is get her back to my Mom’s house and we will go “home” together. We are on the phone continually with her asking with the passing of every exit what should she do! Finally, she gets to the freeway transition she needs to take and she misses it!! Now, she’s nearly hysterical; so my sister and I go to her (she’s 10 minutes out.)

We’re on our way home and she comments how funny it is that she never has a problem with directions when I’m in the car with her! (She doesn’t remember that she always asks if she needs to turn or go straight or if this is the correct exit; I’m her invisible, personal GPS!!).