I’m alive and somewhat well; since a lot of folks have been asking: “did I miss your last post?” No, I’ve just been “busy”!! When my life changed approx. 5 years ago, I immediately sought out the counsel of those who had gone before me. The overwhelming advice was to make sure and take care of myself, so that I would be able to take care of my LO.
Well…. I have been trying to do that. I planned a pretty aggressive ski schedule. Been to Mammoth 3 times; Japan for 2 weeks; Aspen, Park City and my last trip is to Mammoth for a long weekend, starting today!
All went fairly well…. I left enough home-made food, (pre-packaged, just pop in the microwave) and I installed wireless cameras so I could check up on her at any time from my smart phone. I must admit, it felt a little creepy at first, (watching her sleep or watching her play with the kitties); but I quickly got over it and found myself routinely “watching” her.
When I got back from the 2 weeks in Japan, it was clear that it was too long. She was quicker to be angry, “pissy” and overall generally agitated. I think she missed me!, (although she doesn’t verbalize that).
Lately, I can’t seem to do anything right! I “forget” to put the toilet lid down, (remember that kitties might jump in and drown!). I don’t “listen” to her, because she has told me something very important, (of course she has said it in her mind which is why I don’t recall it). I don’t watch the garage door go all the way down, (to make sure no one gets in during the last 6 inches). The worst accusation is that I don’t respect her and that I slander her in front of all our friends! (mind you, we haven’t been out with friends in a very LONG time and I have never slandered her). I think she may be referring to a long time ago, like more than 7 years ago, when I would jokingly comment , that she “made stuff up”. I believe that was the true beginning, I just didn’t know it!
Soooo……any of these events will trigger a tirade that can last between 30 min to an hour!! I try and not escalate the situation with any kind of reason or even apology, (because that will only add time to the tirade!). I just stand there and take it! It’s the worst when she says she doesn’t need me, doesn’t know why she married me and that she can divorce me (if my bad behavior continues) or that I can pack my bags and she can change the locks!! Even though I know it’s the disease talking it still hurts, and it can bring me to tears. Not to mention the gray hair; I swear I can feel it turning gray as she is yelling at the top of her lungs!
Deep sigh……Guilty as charged!